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I was pretty sure that no one read this blog even when I updated it semi-regularly last fall and into the winter, but now I'm positive that if there was the faint bit of interest in it, it's gone because I haven't written a new post since the beginning of June. The thing is, though, is that I don't think I've ever really written anything on here with the intention of someone else reading it...I guess I've written it with the only audience in mind being myself. I know that sounds somewhat arrogant, but I'm probably somewhat arrogant, so there you go.

I guess probably in the last month I've wanted/needed to write something on here, even though I'm not sure if any of the posts would've had any point to them or had any direction whatsoever. And basically I can feel myself slipping into a disjointed post as I'm typing this sentence, so let's focus this right now before it gets completely scattered.

I never realized how much I need my left ring finger. No, I need it. I know "need" is a strong word, but hear me out. For the last two years, I have worked out consistently. I've probably not had longer than 10 days away from the gym. Now, looking at me you probably wouldn't think that. I'm not big, I don't have big muscles, my chest doesn't stick through my shirt, but I've always worked out. I don't do it to look a certain way (maybe I do a little), but I do it because there are some things you just need to physically work out of your body. Things that maybe you don't know how to get out emotionally. Maybe types of stress that build up and the only way to get them out is to run or, in my case, lift. Maybe you feel a little bit better about yourself when you look in a mirror and you look pretty good. Maybe you feel good because you're healthy and you have energy and you feel strong. Maybe it's all of that stuff, but I can't really describe in words the feeling I have after I have a good work-out...I just know that when I leave the gym, I've left a lot of other stuff there that I carried in with me. I also can measure tangibly how much I am improving in the gym. There's a competition with myself that I'm constantly trying to win. I'm trying to one-up myself from a week ago or a month ago or a year ago. There's a sense of accomplishment when I consistently improve on my past performances. I say all that, to say that I haven't been able to do any of that in the last three weeks. I broke my left ring finger three weeks ago playing flag football. Turns out, I broke in the worst way possible. Basically, the piece of bone beside my joint that holds another bone in place, shattered and tore some tendons along with it meaning the only way to fix it would be to have it surgically repaired. I had surgery two weeks ago today and I've been to two therapy sessions trying to regain mobility in my finger. I essentially have no grip in my left hand right now. I probably have only 75% of my grip with my right hand because I broke my right ring finger in college (but not nearly as bad) and never got it fixed.

I never quite grasped the importance (at least for me personally) of physical exercise. Its effects are rarely seen when consistently used, but when it is absent from my life, I find how much I depend on it. Having said that, I'm not sure if that's good or bad. I guess everyone needs an outlet. I'm a physical person: I have a lot of energy, I like to do things, I like to be active. It's only natural that my outlet involves physical activity.

This week I was able to get back in the gym for the first time since I broke my finger. It's been sort of like starting over, but I can already feel myself getting back to normal.