Sometimes it just works

I think if you could characterize our culture in one word...if you had to just pick one, I think you could safely use the word "egocentric". Basically, "egocentric" is a fancy way of saying that someone is spoiled. If you wanted to go a little deeper than that, then you could say self-absorbed and if you still weren't satisfied you could boil it down to its essence by saying that if a person was "egocentric" then they believed that everything revolved around them, that everyone cared about what they had to say and that they rarely take others' feelings into consideration. I think that word fits. I've been accused of being egocentric and I probably am on a regular basis. There are a lot of tools (blogs, my space, face book, etc.) that we use when we assume people actually want to know what we think about certain things. This is our world. A world of TV and radio hosts who talk just to be heard. We're egocentric and we think everyone wants to know what we have to say...but sometimes they don't.

I've been relatively close to a situation over the past few months that some people have felt inclined to opine on for lack of a better word. They thought their advice was wanted and they thought their opinion mattered to the people involved. At first, I was one of those people who thought my opinion should be given. Only later did I realize that not only was my opinion not needed, but that my opinion of the situation completely changed.

My friend Michael has always been a little....secretive shall we say. You know, always held his cards close to his vest so to speak. That's never been an issue really, basically I ask him about stuff and he gives me a run around or some bullshit story. I've learned to deal with it. Anyway, one day last summer he finally came out and told me that he was dating someone. "No big deal", I thought. Actually, I was a little relieved because there was some talk going around that he might be...well, you know...that maybe he didn't like girls. Anyway, the catch in the situation was when he told me who he was dating. You see there was somewhat of an age discrepancy there and Michael and I had been her after school care teachers when we were in college. It's okay if you're feeling a little strange about this. I did at first, too. I actually laid down on my bedroom floor when he told me. At first I didn't know what to think, then I didn't think I liked it and I told him. But that was all before I had a chance to give Audra a fair shake.

Over the last few months, I've been able to get to know Audra for who he she is at this time in her life. She is funny, creative, and has the sort of sense of humor that Michael has. She is really nothing like I thought she would be or like I thought she was to begin with. She loves people and she does not think like your normal nineteen year old. She's actually more mature than Michael and I put together. I know that's not saying much, but it says enough for me.

There will always be people who will always give their opinions and think that people want to hear them. They will reason and debate and do all of this in the most "caring" manner, all the while failing to see how insignificant they are in the situation. I'm sure people have offered all kinds of "advice" to Michael and Audra over these last few months. I know I did. But here's the thing people fail to understand: sometimes it just works. Sometimes things just happen and you would never expect them to or you might even question it if you're not around it. I've been around it, I've seen it and it works. It works beautifully.

I'm not sure exactly when I changed my mind about this situation. I don't really think it happened all at once. The more time I spent around Michael and Audra, the more I understood how much about them that this was. It wasn't about me or anyone else who cared to throw their piece into the hat. I saw how they were around each other and at first it made me a little queasy, but after that I really saw what they meant to each other. It's a good thing...and it's their thing....and it works.